No Shame November sounded pretty cool, yet as I type the words for which this event calls for I became hesitant. The narrator in me wants to tell a story about my inner self, who even on this occasion doesn’t want to come out. & although that’s nothing new, frustrations aren’t excused, because 19 years and counting, I still don’t understand who SHE’S hiding from. At first thought a diary or pocket note may have seemed much more hysterical appropriate for such a conversation with ME, but No Shame November provoked this conversation so I at least owe it to the occasion & allow spectators to see how this dispute plays out.

Anyway I figure Tumblr is a reasonable public meeting grounds for me to meet ME without, cursing this bitch out for taking so damn long to reveal who SHE is. & while we’re on the subject, Who Are YOU? Do I really want to meet YOU? Such a cowardly being; the reason being for 19 years of me only being half of me. I’m not complaining because half of me is what I had to be or else I would have been waiting on very low patience, 19 years and all, and complacent in some of the same places my peers are. But I don’t wanna go there because this isn’t about them. This is about me and YOU. Really me and ME but I don’t wanna confuse the crowd because I know some of them, the not-so-bright ones, have stopped reading, are reading, wondering what the hell she’s talking about. But there I go again, this isn’t about them, its really about YOU.

 YOU not being here majority of my life and even on November 15^th at 9:09 p.m I’m calling for you but you cant hear because your too far away to comprehend. I’ll never tell you I needed you, wanted sounds more like it. & these constant conversations are becoming pointless because I feel like I’m saying the same things over and over again, which by the way is probably why you haven’t received a letter from me in quite some time. Dammit! There I go again, started to make this about something else. Its not about being fatherless, lets back to the topic which is … YOU.

 This is my final attempt  the last knock on this door, which subconsciously sounds like bullshit because I’ve said this before. But im serious this time, im moving on with or without YOU and since time is what you never had for me, I previously begged and drooled my loved powerlessly„all in attempt for you to love me. & for the last fucking time, I’ve made this about someone else. This isn’t about a broken heart, it’s about YOU.

It’s about ME. It’s about the three of us finally meeting. & as I read over this proclamation to call you out, I realized i haven’t given you the chance to speak. Although I may be putting a mic to an invisible mouth its certainly worth the silence. Instead I’ve turned a conversation between YOU and I into a speculation of my peers, my father , and having a heartbroken, Now I see. 19 years and counting, I haven’t given you the chance to speak, so lets make a deal, in less than 100 more characters ill stop. Ill post this and close my computer & IF YOU feel comfortable to reveal yourself to me, I’m dying to meet YOU <3